Quest for the Cosmic Relics - Tales from the Retro Gaming Night

But this time… not on a quest.
Not hunting treasure.
Not fighting evil across the stars.
They're gaming.

One long night in the barracks turns into a battlefield of joysticks, keyboards, and questionable decisions as Sneaker the gnome unleashes his sacred retro cartridge collection. From ancient strategy games to chaotic party brawls, every title becomes a new arena for rivalry, betrayal, and extremely poor teamwork.

Order here: COMING SOON! 🛒

Promotion video: Coming soon! 📹

Reading preview: A few nightly fun chapters of Falcon's crew playing retro games! 📗

Expect:
• Very short high-paced punchy lines, for those with a short attention span
• Retro games played very, very wrong
• Alliances that last exactly one turn
• Coffee that should not be consumed
• Sneaker's sanity slowly unravelling

The Crew of the Quest

Commander Falcon (Human Warrior, Former Army Captain)
Once a disciplined Imperial captain, now leader of the Cosmic Relics crew. Tries to maintain order, strategy, and bedtime — all of which collapses the moment a joystick appears.

Skull (Undead Knight)
An ancient skeleton warrior with a greatsword, a calm voice, and a terrifying talent for cheating. Whether in battle or in games, he always finds a way to turn things… undead.

Iceman (Elemental Mage)
A calm and disciplined mage who commands ice, wind, and lightning with quiet precision. Approaches Sneaker's retro games like arcane puzzles — though one bad level may finally freeze his patience solid.

Sydney (Human Librarian)
Sharp-tongued, observant, and dangerously competitive. Keeps the group organized, mocks Falcon's discipline, and exploits every rule she can find — especially in computer games.

Madman (Starfighter Pilot)
Fearless, reckless, and fuelled by curiosity rather than sense. Treats every game like aerial combat: fast, loud, and completely unpredictable.

Bomb (Heroic Paladin)
A valiant warrior who sees evil in monsters, machines, and occasionally pixels. Approaches every game as a moral battlefield and every explosion as righteous judgment.

Arrex (Priest and Healer)
Kind, polite, and quietly concerned for everyone's mental health. Tries to keep the peace while wondering why retro games seem more violent than real wars.

Lazer (Combat Robot)
A fast-moving robot that communicates in beeps and lasers. Understands games as tactical exercises and has no concept of “taking it easy.”

Dino (Small Dinosaur Steed)
Falcon's loyal mount and honorary party member. Provides moral support, physical intimidation, and occasional confusion when near keyboards.

Chris van Zuiden

Copyright (c) 2026

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.